All of existence may have bent to Zodiark’s will, but the deadliest battlefield in Final Fantasy XIV hides within the opulent halls of the Golden Saucer. For Patch 6.51, the Final Fantasy XIV team collaborated with Fall Guys for a special in-game event - Blunderville. Players can participate in this event from Oct. 31 to Dec. 31 to earn special items such as in-game glamors, emotes, minions, mounts, and more.
Since Patch 6.51’s release, Blunderville’s dizzying courses have swept players off their feet while simultaneously forcing them to learn existing mechanics. This begs the question - how would our beloved Scions make it through the perils of Blunderville?
Round One
For the sake of this article, we’ll only be bringing in the Scions, who usually join us in Trust dungeons to evaluate. Depending on who players choose, Thancred, Y’shtola G’raha, Estinien, Alphinaud, and Alisaie are never far from the Warrior of Light’s side while battling through mobs and challenging boss fights. While all the Scions are competent and fierce warriors in their own right, each has their various fighting quirks shaped by their personalities.
Kicking things off, Round One would be a challenge for Urianger and Alisaie simply because of how they generally approach battles. Urianger is more cautious; he likes to think things through and assess the situation thoroughly. For this reason, he would simply be outrun by his competitors instead of getting knocked off a platform after standing there far too long, musing over every possible route he could take.
Alisaie, on the other hand, is brash. Ever eager to prove herself, she’d throw herself into the winds (and hammers) of the courses without too much thought. While we can admire her determination, her stubbornness to pave her own path despite the obstacles would set her back. She might make it to the final stretch, but her competitors would outrun her, much to her annoyance, especially since Alphinaud would have cleared the course. Speaking of the eldest Leveilleur twin, his general cautious nature would have him toeing the finishing line, barely managing to push ahead of his sister but still crossing.
Alphinaud would bring up the rear while Thancred, G’raha, Y’shtola, and Estinien forged ahead. Alphinaud suffers from the same problem as Urianger in that he overthinks too much. While this is a good skill for diplomatic matters, any additional time he’d take would significantly cost him in this scenario, especially when entering Round 2, where the puzzles are a bit more complex.
Round Two
In Round 2, players are given two courses that diverge from the standard ‘work your way around obstacles’. One will see which players can survive a perilous course while avoiding attacks by Typhon, who is determined to knock everyone off their feet. The other course challenges players to think critically as they match crystals to their corresponding colors. Each color brings new challenges, making players stop and scratch their heads as they figure out a viable route.
No matter which path the Scions receive, Alphinaud will struggle more here for the same reasons from Round One. So, which Scion would join him exiting into the aetherial watch zone? His comrades, save for one, would easily survive Typhon’s blasts or deduce the quickest routes to submit their crystal offerings. The Scion who would join Alphinaud in his struggles would be G’raha Tia.
Where Alphianud is extremely cautious, G’raha can often be found at the other end of the spectrum with recklessness. FFXIV fans know G’raha is prone to flinging himself into certain death situations. He’s a lot like Alisaie in this regard, but his typical reckless actions usually have a bit more thought put behind them. He’d consider looking for alternative paths to ensure he makes it out of Round One. In Round Two, time would be a connecting factor between him and Alphinaud. Mere moments can leave a lasting impact, so even the briefest of hesitations would impact the Miqo’te significantly, leaving him to join Alphinaud and his friends to watch the rest of the challenge from afar.
Round Three
With the dawn of the final stage upon us, three heroes remain. Thancred, Y'shtola, and Estinien have the most experience under their belt when it comes to battle. Years of mastering their respective jobs have consistently made them the most reliable and strongest Scions to bring on missions. All three are quick and efficient in figuring out a game plan. Each Scion approaches challenges differently and has unique skills that set them apart.
Estinien is by far the most aggressive out of the three. As the former Azure Dragoon, Estinien has trained for battles of all kinds, whether against dragons or man. While he might not make the best financial decisions, he is incredibly sharp and picks up on small details that others don’t notice. Much like Alisaie and G’raha, he isn’t one to hesitate. The difference between the three is that he doesn’t hesitate because his training has him steps ahead of everyone else. He would quickly adapt and navigate each round with little to no problems, but he’d still risk being too hasty in his decision-making.
On the other hand, we have Thancred, who has years of training as a Rogue and Gunbreaker, making him far stealthier and more methodical than his competitors. His keen eye and ability to assess the courses before crossing the starting line would have him at Estinien’s heels. We could argue that they’d be neck-in-neck throughout the entire course. Since the events of A Realm Reborn, Thancred has had an almost insatiable hunger to prove himself to his comrades and himself. This factor and Thancred’s sense of humor would have him taking Blunderville more seriously than most, putting him at the top of the list of competitors.
Y’shtola would be the Wild Card; while she’s undoubtedly one of the most powerful mages in Eorzea, how would that translate into a strategy for navigating Blunderville? As the noted pupil of Master Matoya, Y’shtola rarely backs down from a challenge due to her highly driven nature. She is nothing if not strategic, and while she might take a back seat occasionally in more serious manners, she’d persevere to prove a point in this instance. Her ability to sense aether could give her an edge to discern a path for herself more quickly, especially in earlier rounds. She also knows Thancred like the back of her hand and would expect him to have more than a few tricks up his sleeves. While she’s still getting to know Estinien, she’s also been able to pick up on his habits quickly. Her tenacity, along with her critical thinking skills, would easily have her in the top three.
Taking all of this into consideration, which of these three will make it to the top?
The King of Beans
It’d be challenging, but Thancred would push ahead of Estinien and Y’shtola toward the end, either due to a miscalculation on Estinien’s part for being too hasty or pulling out a new trick that would trip up Y’shtola. He’s a master in deception, and one can never be too sure what cards the Gunbreaker holds.
The race would be incredibly close, but no one would be hungrier than Thancred for bragging rights. While they’re all highly competitive, the fire in his heart would burn brighter than Estinien and Y’shtola’s. This is Thancred, after all, and what greater glory could there be than to ensure the Warrior of Light tells Ryne of his latest accomplishment the next time they travel to the First?
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